Europe Travel Diary (Amsterdam)

I delved into my puzzle book to survive my three hour journey. Such thrilling questions included what words have two ee’s, and what words have 3 syllables and start with a v. My brain genuinely hurt afterwards
I got out the station to face an overcast, windy and rainy Amsterdam. This time I had to face roads, bike lines and even tram lines. The traffic light noises sounded like a woodpecker slowly pecking inside a wooden beam, then erupted into full peckage when the lights turned green. A sound of a bell would warn me I would have an uppity cyclist behind me.


I got to the Durty Nelly’s hotel, it was an Irish bar next to a strip club. I got talking to Australian and Indian and a girl from Gloucester. I was starting to get used to the idea of talking to everyone
I jumped when I suddenly saw a prostitute in a red window! We searched for a spliff – It felt like an episode of the Inbetweeners! We settled at the Good Times cafe, and went inside the entrance. I bought some hash for 3.50, and i got a pre-rolled spliff in a plastic cone. Sadly, the girls only only had a fat match pack, so I went in search of a lighter, only to find one that barely lit. Everytime I lit my spliff, it would go out again – I felt like a higher power was trying to tell me something
I felt a little lightheaded, and felt a light band circling around my head My head was a bit fuzzy, I was secretly hoping for something more psychedelic, but it faded quickly! We went to the bar, but I found it quite tricky to socialise, so I got an earlylish night.

I was awoken by the sounds of a pneumatic drill outside, followed by the big bells of the nearby church tower. I saw Charlotte, but I didn’t get the impression she wanted to hang out, so I went off on my adventure.

First stop – the Sex Museum. I got blown by a vagina on a wall, flashed by a mannequin in a trench coat, and saw another pair of mannequins hiding away getting a handjob. I saw a lot of vintage porn pics, and I answered a ringing phone to hear someone having an orgasm. I passed it on to someone else and said I think it’s for you!! I felt dirty after I left – I’d been put off sex for life!

I ventured to the bike ride tour, cycling across the canals of Amsterdam, through the beautiful parks that are long since ignored by people – it’s not all weed and sex in the land of the Dutch

I wasn’t quite sure which way to look, and I got put in the back. We went off to Vondelpark. I got my own bell for being at the back, but it was quite frustrating not being able to pedal it fast.

I had a chicken burger topped with cheese.
My next stop was the Prostitute Museum. I heard stories from a classic hooker . The museum gave people a chance to have a picture taken in the window, use the confessional booth and look at various bondage racks.

The Red Light District was hustling and bustling, queues to sex show were the excitement of the night. Everyone was bathed in red light, and it felt quite filthy everyone was piling up for excitement in the district of debauchary.

The next day, I had a cheeky McMuffin. As I waited for my next train, I basked in the sun and enjoyed watching the world go by. It was lovely to see happy folk.
I had some major confusing getting the Ice train – I was in Coach 24, and despite going down the front to the back, I could see onlu coach 30 to 35. I walked through, almost hitting people with my bah. It turned out, it was two trains connected to each other!





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